ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
