he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
