this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
