I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
