she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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