So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
