So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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