never play flip cup with pint glasses
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
