Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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