I CAN MOONWALK!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
