and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
