Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
