At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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