This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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