he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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