First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
