I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
