How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
