I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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