This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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