I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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