Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
