haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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