I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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