how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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