Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
