i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
