I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
