Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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