Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
