I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
