you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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