Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
