just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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