Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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