You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
