Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
