We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
someone threw a dead crab at me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
