I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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