I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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