Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
