fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
