well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
