She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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