I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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