Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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