so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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