sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
