My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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