some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
