The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
