Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
