Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Floor bacon is actually really good
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize