Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
