all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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