he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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