sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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