Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
