But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
