When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
