C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize