the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she looked like the before picture.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
