u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
