my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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