I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize