with your own penis?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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