remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
