Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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