the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
