my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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