I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Less talking, more tequila
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize