I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
