You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
