I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
