well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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