after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
