So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
