no, he came in my armpit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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