We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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