I like to think it a success when the cops are called
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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