I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
