There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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