don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
