Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
