Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I puked a lego.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize