I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
