Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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