She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
As shirtless as possible
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
