is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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