I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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