now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
