Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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