The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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