You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Farmville is her only friend.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
