i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
