a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
