Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize